When we say that someone is acting in a “polite” manner, the majority of us are fairly certain that we understand what we are referring to. The definition of the criteria that we use to apply that description, on the other hand, is not quite as simple as we might think it would be. There is a surprising amount of disagreement among individuals when they are asked what they consider to be the appropriate amount of polite behavior. We may, of course, seek refuge in very general statements in an effort to find some kind of consensus; however, our typical method of escaping the predicament is to resort to providing examples of behavior that we, as individuals, would consider to be “polite.”

Statements such as “He always shows a lot of respect towards his superiors,” “She is always very helpful and obliging,” “She speaks really well,” “He always opens doors for the ladies or helps them on with their coats,” and other similar statements could be made by us. A number of individuals hold the belief that polite behavior is synonymous with socially “correct” or appropriate behavior, while others consider it to be the defining characteristic of a man or woman who has developed their social skills. It is possible that some people will define a polite person as someone who is always considerate towards other people, while others may suggest that a polite person is someone who is concerned with others.

Not only are there individuals who have a negative perception of polite behavior, but they also use terms like “standoffish,” “haughty,” “insincere,” and other similar terms to describe it.
In the process of moving from evaluations of polite behavior in general to the more specific case of polite language usage, also known as “polite” language, we come across the same kinds of problems. Expressions such as “the language a person uses to avoid being too direct” or “language which displays respect towards or consideration for others” are examples of phrases that could be used to characterize the use of polite language. Once again, we might give examples such as ‘language which contains respectful forms of address like sir or madam’, ‘language that displays certain ‘‘polite” formulaic utterances like please, thank you, excuse me or sorry’, or even ‘elegantly expressed language’.

Once more, we would come across individuals who consider the use of language in a polite manner to be “hypocritical,” “dishonest,” “distant,” “unfeeling,” and other similar descriptions. When we talk about polite behavior, whether it be linguistic or otherwise, we are engaging in metapragmatic talk. This means that we are talking about talk or talking about the general behavior of other people.
In addition to having our own personal evaluations of what constitutes polite behavior, we also have a tendency to express our opinions and, as a result, evaluate the behavior of other people.

Occasionally, although it is much less common than one might generally anticipate, we choose to categorize that behavior (or aspects of it) as “polite” or “impolite.” We might also use terms such as “respectful,” “courteous,” “offhand,” “rude,” “cringing,” “pusillanimous,” and so on, depending on what our own personal folk notions of what constitutes polite behavior happen to be. And well, of course, it is reasonable to anticipate that individual evaluations of considerate or impolite behavior will vary quite a bit, and in fact, this is the case.